Shower of Grace

Chopsticks and Love

2005-08-24T19:16:00.000+08:00

Learning the art of eating with chopsticks is a lot like love, i realized.

Chopsticks come in different styles, sizes, colors and designs. Some wooden, some steel and some even plastic. Some reusable, some disposeable. Wooden ones are more commonly used by the Chinese and the Japanese while Steel ones are used by the Koreans and these are the hardest to use.

In different cultures, there are also rules with chopsticks. The last time I went to Singapore, I learned that chopsticks can't be used to slice something for whatever reason. While in Japan, you can't let it stick/stand on top of your rice.

However, i discovered one of the most useful and important rule throughout my experience in using Chopsticks. Don't hold it too tightly, otherwise is won't hold. Same with love, you can't love fiercely and without rules. That's most probably the reason why I've been losing all this love.

Isang entry ukol sa pag-ibig

2005-07-29T15:12:00.000+08:00

Ayon sa isang kaibigan, ang pag-ibig ay parang MRT. Matagal mong aantayin na dumating. Kahit masikip na sa loob, nagpapapasok pa rin. At hindi ka iiwanan. Higit sa lahat, pag na-miss mo ang isang MRT, asahan mong may kasunod pang parating.

Para sa akin, ang pag-ibig ay parang google. Marami kang mahahanap na pagpipilian. Pero hindi lahat ng mahahanap mo ay sagot sa iyong katanungan. Kung sinuswerte, anjan agad ang hinahanap mo. Kung minamalas naman, hindi mo makita-kita. E kahit na, may option ka namang baguhin ang search string e.

Ano naman ngayon ang pag-ibig para sayo?

Para kay ako

2005-07-29T14:27:00.000+08:00

Bakit ka ba ganyan!? Antanga-tanga mo. Ilang beses ka nang niloko, magpapaloko ka pa ulit. Maubusan ka naman ng pasensya kahit minsan, pwede? Give up! Don't mess yourself up with senseless excuses. You see? You ended up hating yourself and your life. Hanbukake! Arasso?

Korean-ness

2005-07-14T13:13:00.000+08:00

korean-ness

It takes a lot of rethinking for me to be able to articulate into

words what I have been through. The past weeks have been too

stressful as well as exciting for me. Blame the koreans for this!

Yeah! Korean-ness..

For me :
Yeppuda!

For macqueen-oppa:
Saesong eso kajang chuahe

For & :
Shiroyo! Pabuya! Shibal! Shibal!
Jugule? Ahhh..
Chungmal mozenggyotda

For Meli :
Gombae chingoo!

Para sa iibigin ko :
Chungmal chalzenggyotda
Nado Saranghe
Jugul mankun bugo shibda
Egiya
Chagiya <--sounds really sweet
Saesong eso kajang sarangheyo
Yobo

To anyone :
Yubetcha! <-- my favorite
Kurom
Kurae
Arasso
Aracchi?

These are just a few expressions I learned the past weeks I've been

hanging out with Koreans. And these are the persons I hanged out

with:

Han Jae Sub - Robben is not really cute but he has a nice and strong

built. And when I say strong, malakas talaga. A very sweet man.

I dated him three times before he left for Korea. This man is

really, really sweet - he gave me a dozen of roses, a love letter

(with all the difficulty in his grammar) and his shirt with his name

airbrushed on it aside from the text messages i got. He is also one

heck of a gentleman. If not only for lack of the so-called "spark",

I'd choose to fall for him. He told my sister he wanted to marry me

and asked me if I want to live with him in Korea. Hehehehe.

Cas ajushi - has a really nice and charming smile pero wag ka dahil

manyak ito! Yup, he should be treated with respect because he's a

little old already, naghahanap na nang mapapangasawa.

Lino - damn! I fell in-love with this man's funny and charming

personality and nice body when I first saw him. He's a scuba

instructor and a taekwondo 3rd dan and goes to the gym everyday kaya

maganda ang katawan. Sobrang lakas nito, he lifted me by just

holding my head. The only thing that turns me off ay isa siyang

manyak. I made a pinky promise with this man that is to see him

again. I broke that yakusoku. I wish I didn't break his heart.

Lee Sang Bae - bopols? maganda katawan? therefore, BOYTOY!!!

hahahaha.. Max is the ultimate definition of a boytoy-oppa. I could

only dream of seeing him topless. Haha!

Bin-ah - the cutest of them all pero parang baby. So i'll call him

egi-oppa! Detached siya sa mundo, yung tipong smile lang parati.

Matangkad at maganda rin ang katawan. Ewan ko ba, lahat ata ng

koreano maganda ang katawan e. I like his porma, cotton-silky-soft

polo with his hair in a charming and stylish disarray.

MacQueen-oppa - The word oppa in Korean literally means brother.

But there are two contexts, one is an older brother and the other is

a boyfriend. In our case, the context is an older brother. Anyhow,

an oppa is someone close to your heart. Yeah! MacQueen is our oppa

and i'm his Dongseang (sister/sibling). Oppa is the coolest Korean

guy I met. Very, very maporma. He fixes up his hair tayu-tayo. As

in mas mataas pa sa buhok ni Dao Ming Sz. He has nice and lovely

eyes but it's always hidden in shades, bagay naman sa kanya. He's a

very hard drinker - can't get through a day without alcohol. 15

bottles of beer and counting kausap pa namin nang matino. He can

consume 5 bottles of soju but 1 bottle of fundador and he's patay!

Beer-power! Hehehe. A very caring and respectful person. Loves to

treat us whenever we go out. I get hugs and sometimes a kiss, beso,

that is. There's really no sexual attraction going on though.

Purely platonic. I love my oppa!

Jo Su Ji - one cool party-girl. Suzi-unni knows a lot of dance

music. Lesbian daw sabi ni Oppa but it's no big deal to me. She

can drink and smoke A LOT. Maporma din.

Sophia - Sabog ito nung na-meet ko. Suzi-unni's friend.

MacQueen-oppa stays in her place. she lived here for 10 years

already. Oppa told me she's really good in Tagalog.

I think I'm fallin..

2005-03-30T18:05:00.000+08:00

A little conversations had turned in into little sweet sensations
And they're only getting sweeter every time
Our friendly get-togethers had turned in into visions of forever
If I just believe this foolish heart of mine

REFRAIN
I can't pretend that I'm just a friend
'Cause I'm thinkin' maybe we were meant to be

CHORUS
I think I'm fallin', fallin' in love with you
And I don't, I don't know what to do
I'm afraid you'll turn away
But I'll say it anyway
I think I'm fallin' for youI'm fallin' for you

Whenever were together, I'm wishin' that goodbyes would turn to never
'Cause with you is where I always wanna be
Whenever right beside you, all I really wanna do is hold you
No one else but you has meant this much to me

REFRAIN
I can't pretend (no) that I'm just a friend (I'm just a friend)
'Cause I'm thinking maybe we were meant to be

CHORUS
I think I'm fallin', fallin' in love with you
(I)And I don't, I don't know what to do (yeah, yeah)
I'm afraid you'll turn away (I'm afraid you'll turn away)
But I'll say it anyway (anyway)

I think I'm fallin', fallin' in love with you (I think I'm fallin')
And I don't, I don't know what to do (and I don't know what to do)
I'm afraid you'll turn away (I'm afraid you'll turn away)
But I'll say it anyway (anyway)
I think I'm fallin' for you I'm fallin' for you

CODA
I'm fallin', I'm fallin' for youI'm fallin', fallin' for you
And I don't know what to do, yeah yeah
Fall, I'm fallin' for you

Pagkatapos ng napakatagal na panahon..

2005-03-29T18:04:00.000+08:00

Masyadong mahaba na rin ang panahong lumipas mula nang huli akong magsulat dito. Napakarami na ring "blog-moments" ang lumipas. At ni isa ay wala na akong maalala sa mga iyon. Nitong nakaraang mga araw, maraming bagay ang bumabagabag sa isip at puso ko. Hindi ko alam, siguro ay pinagsasamamang galit, pighati (naks, ang lalim naman nito), pagkalito, pag-ibig at kung anu-ano pa. Nakakapagod. Talagang nakakapagod. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gusto kong isulat, sa totoo lang. Dati ay sobrang excited pa akong magsulat, pero iba ang takbo ang utak ko ngayun. Parang napakaraming ideya na hindi ko mapagkasya sa iisang katha, ni sa iisang sentence(ni Tagalog ng sentence ay hindi ko na rin maalala). Hay, kaawa-awang nilalang.

Omorii-san

2005-03-02T18:01:00.000+08:00

Today is Tito Consty's 40th day since he passed away. It's really sad about how people easily forget someone. BTW, the manyak japanese arrived yesterday. Yes, i like him - he's still that maporma and mucho-gwapito i knew. At, higit sa lahat, nagkakatitigan kami ng madalas. So I've always been conscious whenever he's around.

Hope Springs

2005-03-01T18:00:00.000+08:00

It's only now that I realized that it's a beginning of another month. New hope springs. But it's really the opposite starting from last night. I slept crying because I found out that Ate wore my A&F shirt which I had reminded her not to. Plus the fact that she scrambled upon my drawer- i discovered because my once orderly clothes were scattered. THis is quite too shallow for me to become a cry-baby that I am. But this has gone too far. Now, I'm really planning to give-up the house and live ALONE. It really frightens me but I think this will be the only solution. God, please HELP me. This is never-ending, with me who's the only one who cares about them and it's not at all reciprocated with the smallest effort that they can give. In the end, I'm the only one who suffers. Lord, I also want to be happy, I know I can be happy with You but I cant be when my family is pulling me down. I don't know if this is God's will but I really want to give-up on the house that we have. It's not giving-up on my family, it's actually letting them grow in their own feet with me still supporting them. Help me find a place I can live. I'm afraid, but Thy will be done. I dont want anymore to write more of what I feel. I just want God to know my prayers.

2 Sides of Me

2005-02-28T17:58:00.000+08:00

I'm happy that mama and papa came with me to the church! Haay, kelan kaya ako magiging official member sa Bread.. I really get blessed whenever I go there. Yesterday, More Than Medals Wushu team presented their Routines. THey're cute kids, galing.. sana my children will also learn this someday. So much excitement comes to me lately, I did a major decision.. I'm having braces on my teeth, this has been a long-time dream since HS pa.. thank God for giving it to me. Last Saturday while mama and I were walking on our way to the dentist, she told me not to marry whatever happens TWICE. I dont want to put my thoughts in this blog but all I know is that I want to get married to the man I love and the one who loves me in the soonest possible time.. BTW, last Thursday, our Growth Group went to Tagaytay, an impromptu trip. First we illegally stayed at the poolside hut of Days Hotel. Tagaytay's beautiful but we didn't get to see these scenes. It was too dark and too late and also too bad because all the "places to go" were closed already..we ended up in a cheap bar (its not really cheap, we ordered softdrinks and pika-pika that costed us 600bucks for the 5of us, Majo's treat - thanks anyway) with live band. It's a thrill though, we're a group of Christians in the middle of sin city, hehe. I can even see Nieldon getting tempted by one of the girls. What's more thrilling happened while we were on our way, everyone agreed to describe each other's perceived personality and first impressions. Nieldon got mine totally right. I have two worlds, inner and the outer. My two worlds are exactly the opposite of the other and it depends greatly on who the persons around me are. But basically, I only let a very few if not none inside my inner world. This is greatly true, I'm surprised they knew. When I got home, I was surprised of what ate did - rented another room for which she had no money to pay for and had a korean guy friend sleep there with her and another friend. Those who slept at our apartment were all her friends, the room reeked of cigarette smoke. And I had no bed to sleep on. I was really frustrated that night. At these times, I should be thinking about what the pastor preached, to peek into oneself first and fix it up before complaining about others. If one keeps on thinking that she's a loser, ugly or poor - she's nothing but a throw-away in the scums of history. That had hit me hard.

My Single's Valentine Date

2005-02-21T17:52:00.000+08:00

It's Monday again and my heart is joyful from God's love for me. Naks! Yes, it's true. Let's start off with last Friday, I was so sad and depressed because it was a close friend's last day in the office. BTW, Jen, thanks for all the good memories.. I couldn't remember any sad one. After office, I met with Maj at Tower Records, Shangrila so we could go together to the Acoustic Night. It's a single's Valentine gathering, yes, quite pathetic to be going there and eyeing on some guys who you wish to be with in the future. Somehow, though, I realized that this is a good gathering for Christians. And it's the most ideal for us, to be united with a fellow Christian. The band played good. One of our seatmates even talked to their friends to tell them that they're getting married, Maj and I were speechless. Majo proposed a toast "Let's drink to that!" Haha! BTW, Majo is legally single that time because she had broken up with Euge, it wasn't final though. At the table, we we're asked to mingle with our table mates. We were unlucky to have only one guy on our table but at the same time lucky because Man.. he's soo cute. Upon introducing ourselves, this man left.. argh.. such a bad attitude.. Feeling niya pag-aagawan namin siya.. hmph.. totoo naman. BTW, he's Dexter. Itutuloy ko na lang ito bukas.
Continuation: After introducing ourselves, we played a game. Someone will introduce another person based on a rule declared by the emcee. When the rule was introduce someone whose surname starts with a letter C, Majo jumped up to introduce me. "She's Mabel Chan, a Software Design Engineer..." after Majo got back to her seat, i saw Dexter smiling at me.. man, i hate it.. it just came to me that i got his attention because i have a good job or whatever, i hate people who just looks on the outside..
after this game, another dating game came up. Pastor Chris and Dexter wanted me to represent our table but I refused because the group of girls in front of us wanted their friend to.. plus i hesitated also. this is the mabel you know, one who panics in dyahe but really rewarding situations in the end. The guy was Ross, my GCF choir crush.. man... i really hate myself when I do this, I shouldnt have hesitated.. i liked this guy the first time i saw him..well, regrets come later..

Adios.. good and faithful friend

2005-02-18T17:50:00.000+08:00

It's Jen's last day in NEC today, I always cry whenever someone leaves. I will surely miss this cute and good friend.

Hair Rebond.. anyone?

2005-02-15T17:46:00.000+08:00

I remembered to pray when I woke up so today must be my lucky day :-) Going to the office is such an ease, riding the MRT especially. I've really been lucky last night because there'd been bombings at the Ayala MRT around 7:20. I'm usually still in that area around that time. Ate is really sad today because her student-crush Jin-kun is due to leave for Korea tomorrow. Yes, the two of us have a penchant for "oriental" foreigners.
After all these dieting and living a healthy life, I really thought that I'm an invincible being. Based on my personal experience, I'm the one who wont get sick even if everyone around me is. I was called by the Company Physician this lunch and I knew something's wrong. I have UTI and my eyes are in a bad condition and still getting worse. I felt bad and I slowly feel that my body's hurting.. after all, i'm not invincible. It just came to me that God is really the one who rules, He made me realise that I'm not the God of my own being. Thank you Lord! After all, I know that you are and have been in control of me.
I got pissed when my friend called kasi tinanong daw siya nung guard kung taga-saang company daw siya. One thought came to my mind, I'm being investigated. Oh well, let it be. Hehe..
I'm presently watching Kamisama Mou Sukoshi Dake, a really good movie. Starring my one and only Takeshi Kaneshiro. Man! He's really handsome here.
Last night, I did a survey of how much my hair repair would cost. At F Salon - 3,200 at 50% off - Rebond, 2,200 - Semi-Rebond, Combined with cellophane, it's another 1,000 bucks. At Ricky Reyes, it's 3,000 for rebond, 1000 for Relax and 250 for Hair Spa. At one cheap salon where the "owner" really "salestalked" me, it's 1,500 for rebond, cellophane and hair spa. Quite cheap, but when she said it's just for 1.5 hours, i knew it's bogus. I looked at the piece of paper she gave me, relax is not even written. I'm not going there. Later, I'll drop by a vaciador to ask if they have the formula for hair relaxing. I'm keeping my fingers crossed cuz I really think that you are only paying for the place, the "chemicals" aren't really that expensive. BTW, I'll also have to buy my UTI medicines today.

Heart's Day 2005

2005-02-14T17:43:00.000+08:00

I thought I'd be spending a bad day today, but it turned out to be a good, lucky day! I had a really disappointing night last night because of my parents. No need to enumerate what transpired. And I woke up having discovered that my sister tried on my JLo pants. Ever since we were kids, my sister would always wear my clothes. One thing I really hate about it is the fact that she's so much bigger than I am, esp right now. Whenever she wears 'em, it gets back to me outstretched and so unfit to me. And I really hate it! You should know how picky I am with clothes. Even the cheapest ones, I wouldnt buy unless I had it fitted at least 3 times to make sure it looks good on me. I'd really be more happy if I had to give her money to buy her own clothes than pilit na mukhang suman on my clothes. That's why I thought I'd feel lazy again for the day. It all started right at the MRT. Would you believe? MRT on a Monday morning and I was able to catch my 8:15 trip? Amazing! and Praise God! That's really unusual. Oh, it just popped on my mind, I prayed when I woke up! That's maybe the secret :-) I'll try it more and see if it's effective. Hehe, sorry God. I shouldn't put You on test. Erase it, I know it'll work.
BTW, though I'm spending another year without a guy beside me, I'm just happy today. I don't really know why. But before the day got through, I even wore black to protest that Im "DOWN WITH LoVE". Despite seeing flowers, and hearing love songs, I never felt a tinge of envy. Cuz I know that deep in my heart, I'm celebrating today with God! I love you Jesus! :-)Happy Valentine's Day Mabel!

The blogger that I'm not

2005-02-11T17:40:00.000+08:00

This has really come a long way... as I've read from my first blog.. I'm not a blogger:-) So, I guess, I deserve congratulations! Hehe! But a lot of company hours gets spent on this thing. imagine getting paid for doing this?? Wala lang.. random thoughts..
Yesterday, I was beginning to doubt if I am a swerte person so a lot of bad luck happened to me. First, I got left by the 5:30 trip. So I decided to treat myself at Starbucks! Yummy.. I'm never a starbucks person, I wouldnt normally buy even if all my friends did, damn.. it's so expensive! Having researched how cheap the ingredients would cost, and how much they sell the products there.. i'm totally not convinced to buy there. Well, except for the fact that you see the really sosi people around.. well again, i don't belong with them and i'll just feel so small so why be around them? Anyways, I still bought coffee.. no.. frappe rather. It was just a treat/healing for frustration. And I also decided that I should also buy their coffee every once in a while. Yes! As a reward to my self.. I deserve it. I'm working, and it's painful if I won't feel getting compensated for it. Soon burns me out. Is this a total bad luck? Maybe, maybe not.. got some brainstorming goin..
Number 2: it rained. I wasn't able to attend the Growth Group at GCF.. I've been absent twice.. the first, they didn't hold it but I was there..
Number 3: My eyes are getting worse. It's at its worst yesterday. I feel going blind.. cuz I can't keep my right eye open for long. Otherwise, it feels like being pricked by a needle. The doctor the the Physical Exam advised me to wear glasses. And it's only now that I realize that I might really need to wear one. Lately, I recognize that I have to really exert effort looking at the Projector.. So there it goes, bad luck attracts bad luck..

Kung Hei Fat Choi

2005-02-09T11:46:00.000+08:00

Kung Hei Fat Choi! I had a good and productive night last night because I was able to do some household chores before going to bed. Ate came home at 2AM way past the fireworks of the Chinese New Year! And this really got me mad/upset the next morning. She told me that she's seeing a friend but I discovered from a text message that she's drinking with her student. How rude is that? Drinking with your student!? Let's see if you won't get fired when your bosses find out. But that really won't cause a fuss on me, I got mad because she lied! But it's still not confirmed anyway. My instinct tells me that she also got money from my wallet.. and that made me recount all the money I spent since I withdrew money from the bank and gladly, it was accounted for. Yes, you won't believe the dishonesty that goes around my family. Before she left this morning, she told me to pray for her because she's due to get fired daw. I can't really take it and I wanted to tell her that she deserved it. And she's now the one who thinks that malas/bad luck kept following her. But I still prayed for her cause I don't want her to get depressed. She's sick and has a lot of frustrations in life. But I love my sis and I'm really concerned about her. I don't know how to tell her this : that she should change for the better, and that life is not a party (yes! she thinks so!!) most especially if she can't afford it and that she has a lot of responsibilities now...and these things can go on and on like I'm the older sis here. Enough of this, makes me sick and upset. Just PUSH.
Since it's Chinese New Year today, I wore the lucky red color at the office and unsurprisingly - a lot of my officemates did too. It's like Chinatown here combined with tikoy from an officemate :-) And it's also Ash Wednesday, one obligation that I didn't reliqiously abide by when I was Catholic. I should be lucky the whole year round starting today.. yes today!!
I tried to make a list of the things I wan't/have to learn and the things I want to purchase. Yes, I want to plan it all. I started with my linux review.. cuz I really have to...and discovered why my progress is too slow.. I daydream a lot and lose focus on what I do so I end up without accomplishment. This is one thing I have to work on. PUSH + FOCUS combined...
I plan to go to the gym after office just for sauna. It's hard-earned money and I have to get my value for that.

All you need is PUSH

2005-02-08T17:36:00.000+08:00

My new theory just makes a new day so exciting!! I don't know why, I just have to think of it and the worry or bad mood goes away. I just received the news from ate that the koreans we saw last Sunday were from the school where she teaches. Whew! Really small world huh?! I'll have to fix my sick computer later today and I really hope to recover my files. I got Gloi's camera that I borrowed, i hope I could take nice pictures of me later. Ate will use it to take remembrance of his student who likes her and she likes back who's dues to leave soon. An email was forwarded to us.. about faith and obedience... its entitled PUSH.. as in Pray Until Something Happens!! Good Advice for the day...

Think Swerte

2005-02-07T17:33:00.000+08:00

It's Monday today and I failed in my promise to be on time for office. I'm happy to have been able to attend the church service yesterday at the Bread of Life and was lucky enough to bring mama, ate and chelsea with me. I really like how the Pastor delivers His (God's) message to the people, very intellectual yet interesting and entertaining. I'm guilty of that attitude towards going to church services, I should have gone there to worship God and not to be entertained. Gomen. I have been also guilty of the fact that I like to go there because of the Koreano's that also attend the service. I don't know what's with me, I have been leaning towards liking other race but mine. I know it's different for them because they don't like Filipinos. Well, something tells me that I'll marry a foreigner. That's probably why. Well, I do hope so to get married one day.
While riding the mrt this morning, something popped up my mind. It's about the malas theory. Lately, I've been always thinking about myself always getting into kamalasan. It just came to me that I must be thinking of so much malas that I get into that's why I also attract more of them and that if I concentrate more on the swerte/blessings that I get, i'll attract more of it. So here goes my swerte theory: think swerte to attract more swerte. So far, I've found it effective. Hehe.. Just this morning, while still on the mrt - I was so worried because my purse contained a few pieces of coins. I got more worried because it was getting late for me to catch up our company service. The MRT was jam-packed! And I was too lazy to withdraw money before I even climbed up the station. I counted the coins left and to my surprise, it was EXACTLY Php9 up to the last 25cents.. hoooooo.... I almost couldn't believe it!! If only one will trust fully in God, He knows what's best for us. Another swerte came up this afternoon in our annual physical exam in NEC.. hehe.. this one really makes me grin.. I escaped the anal exam!!! Hooohooo.. All of my officemates got examined on that part... Another blessing? Gloi had let me borrow her camera again! Another one? A long time friend who has a crush on me (kapal.. but really..) just texted asking how I am.. I wasnt able to reply as I have no load.. I will reply later. But the fact that he texted really made me smile.. i might have a Valentine date :-) This makes every new day exciting and something to look forward to.
Uwian na naman, feeling ko wala akong na-accomplish sa work. Well, that's another matter I have to consult to God about. Thank you Lord for today for keeping me alive and breathing, enjoying all Your blessings!
"I am a friend of God" just started to sound on my mind..
Who am I that You are mindful of me
That You hear me when I call
Is it true that You are thinking of me
How You love me it's amazing

(Chorus)
I am a friend of God
I am a friend of God
I am a friend of God
He calls me friend
God Almighty, Lord of Glory
You have called me friend
(Repeat Chorus)

He calls me friend
He calls me friend...

Goals.. goals.. goals..

2005-02-02T17:31:00.000+08:00

Yehey! I reached my goal for today.. to wake up early. Though I didn't make it to the 8AM time in, I was able to come at 8:30.. yipee.. Congrats to myself!
I'm quite excited today, I'm going to the La Salle jobfair to recruit fresh grads. I hope there are a lot of cute guys there, not really to look for the one but just to have fun.. hmm.. sounds good! God bless my day :-)
I have this slight feeling that another bad luck will come my way. Prove me wrong, Lord!

New Life

2005-02-01T14:29:00.000+08:00

It's really not me to be jotting down what are the happenings in my life. But for the sake of writing a diary (something to look at in the future), I'll try my best to do it. Anyway, I have had many experiences in the past which are truly remarkable, blog moments that were just blown away from my memory. Honestly, I can't remember any of them anymore. So I write.
I'll start with this statement - "I think I'm a malas person". Of all the people around me- my friends,classmates,officemates, and relatives - I think I'm the one who's always bound to misfortune or bad luck. Call me a pessimist or anything but I really think that way. And it's not just based a single or a number of events that happened to me but I concluded based on my life story. YES, it's actually a series of factual events that you won't really believe have happened to me. I actually hope to be the girl in the Chinese film 'My Lucky Star' starring Tony Leaung Chiu Wai - the one who's full of misfortune in her life but kept to be a good person. Everything changed when her savior/prince charming came to the rescue. It's kind of awkward to be basing one's life on a movie but it's my source of hope, why not let it take it's full positive effect on me.
Hehe. This is one of those useless bloggable moments..
Darn! For the first time in NEC, I reached my 2-hour quota. It sucks! So this is how it feels like...
I'm late once again. This is one of my BAD habits since elementary school days that I BADly need to eliminate from my system. Actually, it's not because of sleeping too late nor getting up too late. It all starts with a morning that's too lazy that I couldn't help myself up from the bed though I'm awake. By the time I wake up, I will have to rush.. but still, I move around too slowly.. and, mind you, I really take time to take a bath and fix myself up. The point when I reach MRT, it's all jam-packed. So all the crazy fix-ups I've put a lot of time on turns to a mess. By the time I reach the office, of couse, I'm late and too tired to work. My whole day is unproductive.
I've always wanted to change the way that things are with me, the way my system is.. but thinking of change - I've never put so much real effort on it. Just like quitting to smoke or any other vice for that matter. Wow! That's a realization, I'm giving in to a vice. Well, honestly, it's a battle for me - really hard to overcome but possible. I don't want to make promises that in the end will be broken, I will just make a commitment to try my best to be at the office by 8. The latest should be 8:30. Okay?.. So it's finally written and these words are witnesses to my commitment! After all, change starts little by little. So help me God.

Miracle..

2004-06-21T16:55:00.000+08:00

Do you actually believe in divine intervention and miracles?

I do. I just took a qualifying exam last week and was able to pass it with my full effort.. that is, in prayers and faith in God, if you call it real effort. I actually tried hard to review two nights before and was hinted that the exam was "that" hard. So there I go, answered more than half of the exam in shot gun as a friend termed it. I lacked enough time to analyze and solve questions that I was forced to, ya know, eenie-minie-mynie-moe. Me and my co-examinees - all of us felt bad after taking it. But I kept my faith and trust in Him - so he returned the favor. Yes, miracles still happen.

It's between you and God

2004-06-21T16:39:00.000+08:00

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight. Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.
- by Mother Teresa -

Its been a while

2004-06-21T16:27:00.000+08:00

Whew! It's been a long while since I posted my last blog. A lot of things changed, even miracles happened. I noticed one thing about this blog, a post couldn't pass without my mind and my message hinting about Mike. Everything has always been about him - a friend told me once, and I dont disagree either. Well, me too, I'm also tired of writing about him. And from this point on, I want to start posting about other things that's happened to me. Not that I'm not gonna mention him anymore - it's just me telling you other stories and happenings more worth mentioning than Mike.

...you should hear it from me

2004-06-03T08:56:00.000+08:00

This was sent to me by a close friend... she couldn't help but think about me and mike after reading this..

I've been talking about you a lot with the Lord. I told Him how thoughtful and helpful you are, how I treasure you more each day. I tried to describe how just having you there can make things more special and fun. I said just how loyal you are to your friends. And I thanked Him for making me one. And I told Him how much I keep learning from you, how your faith is inspiring to see. Then I asked Him if He'd let you know how I feel. And He said you should hear it from me.

Maybe it was love not meant to be

2004-05-31T17:27:00.000+08:00

Its really funny how you feel for a person can change overnight. This is how my story goes. Just yesterday morning before going to the church, I was so excited and was all dressed up cuz I'll be seeing my man - Mike. For those who do not know him yet, let me introduce Mike to you. I first saw him at the chuch I'm attending (for 2 months now) and up to this moment, we still haven't been introduced to each other. To be honest, I really enjoyed fellowships during Sunday services and Bible Studies because I know I'll be seeing him. He's a Pastor's son, he plays the drums, he sings very well and, I guess, I'm older than him. Man, I really adored this person! I'm always like this everytime I develop an eye for someone - I fall so deep - deep as in me wanting to spend the rest of my life with that person. I remember telling my friends that I'd want become a Pastor's wife because of him. How pathetic and shallow of me, right? But I'm serious about it. Last Wednesday at the Prayer Meeting, I couldn't hold back my tears upon hearing his voice. He was singing "Blessed be the Name" at the worship part while I prayed. I told God that this is the man I'd want to marry, have kids and grow old with, hoping that He will listen and give in to my longing. In the end of my prayer, still, Thy will be done. My days and nights were spent thinking of him. I constantly told my self that I'm in love with him. This was until last Sunday at the Church service when all the magic I feel whenever he's around just disappeared. I don't know why. I hope this will come to pass, cuz I still want to be in-love. Up to now, I still can't figure out. Maybe it wasn't love after all. But still, maybe it was love only not meant to be.

Dedicated to someone with love...

2004-05-28T10:03:00.000+08:00

I Could Be The One
by Donna Lewis

I could be your sea of sand
I could be your warmth of desire
I could be your prayer of hope
I could be your gift to everyday
I could be your tide of heaven
I could be a hint of what's to come
I could be ordinary
I could be the one

I could be your blue eyed angel
I could be the storm before the calm
I could be your secret pleasure
I could be your well wishing well
I could be your breath of life
I could be your European dream
I could be ordinary
I could be the one

Now I would lie here in the darkness
Now I would lie here for all time
Now I would lie here watching OVER YOU
Comfort you
Sing to you

I could be your worry partner
I could be your socialite
I could be your green eyed monster
I could be your force of light
I could be your temple garden
I could be your tender hearted child
I could be ordinary
I could be the one

I would lie here in the darkness
I would lie here for all time
I would lie here watching OVER YOU
Comfort you
Sing to you

Will I ever change the journey
Will the hushed tones disappear
Oh little Michael Let me hold you
Oh little Michael Let me love you

I could be your leafy island
I could be your thunder in the clouds
I could be your dark enclosure
I could be your romantic soul
I could be your small beginning
I could be your suit in universe
I could be ordinary
I could be the one

I could be ordinary
I could be the one

I could be ordinary
I could be the one

Starburst Galaxy

2004-05-27T08:49:00.000+08:00

star.burst gal.ax.y

noun

galaxy rapidly creating stars: a galaxy exhibiting a particularly high rate of star formation

A starburst galaxy is a bright, blue-glowing galaxy that has a high rate of star formation (sometimes, the star-formation area is only at the core of the galaxy, and these galaxies are called nuclear starbursts).